Charlotte Airport

I’m going to be specific here, because I don’t think that my one experience at the Charlotte Airport can really make a true rating. So, I am going to rate the Charlotte Airport security guards at gate D on a Friday morning. After walking the wrong way with my heavy bags, I had to turn around and go back to the other end of the airport. I’ve never left from Gate D before, I’ve always left from Gate A. On this day, Jet Blue led me to Gate D. My first security encounter was a man who commented on my beautiful jewelry. He pointed to my watch, to which I replied ‘I know, I’m taking it off right now.’ He didn’t walk off, or reply with some snide remark or nod. He said ‘dress for success but not in the airport’ and then continued to have a conversation about gels (which he was proud of me for having in a bag), about taking off shoes, and then said ‘we’re just here to make this smoother’. (i.e. not to kick you out of the airport) The two gentlemen checking IDs were joking and laughing back and forth. Not specifically with me, but it made me feel more at ease rather than making me feel like the center of scrutiny. On to the metal detector. I put all my stuff through and walked through slightly nervous as I always do. The man said very seriously ‘smile’ – and when I did he smiled back and said ‘much better’. I realized that my bag was stalled under the Xray machine, and all the sudden I realized that I hadn’t taken my computer out of the bag. Rather than getting a reprimand and a second trip through the machine, the man behind the conveyor belt, said ‘I’ll get that for you’, took the computer out and walked it back through for me. Wow, is all I can say about that. No mean look, no rude comment, no disgusted sigh. Just a simple walk back through the X-ray machine.
I know, this blog wasn’t as funny as previous blogs, because I’m not laughing as I write it, but I’ve been through a lot of airports in my lifetime, and I felt the Gate D security on a Friday morning at Charlotte Airport deserved a shout out for their humor, smiles, patience, and overall joy of life. Because of that, I feel they deserve a Fresh. I can’t say for sure this is the best there is, but I can say this is the best security experience I ever had. In fact, I felt refreshed after the experience, and how many of you have used the work airport and refreshed in the same sentence? Now, I have had a pretty rough 8 months, I’ve experienced multiple meltdowns and more than one time have considered quitting my job, leaving all my responsibilities and running away to anywhere (preferably an island in the Caribbean). I was at the airport to leave for a short vacation in the attempt to not do all the above. Had it not gone this well, I may have done damage with my dull nail clipper or empty water bottle. Therefore, I thank God for a ray of sunshine at the start of a very sunny vacation, and for saving me from a trip to jail.

Halloween Coloring Pages

Last week, while I was talking to my little sister, she asked me to please print Halloween pumpkin coloring pages for her. I was a bit confused, but apparently her printer is broken, and she felt that I was the nearest printer available…despite the fact I am six states away. After her clear spelling of h-a-l-l-o-w-e-e-n-p-u-m-p-k-i-n-c-o-l-o-r-i-n-g-p-a-g-e-s to ensure I truly knew what she wanted, I proceeded to use google to complete what I thought would be an easy task. Why wouldn’t there be cute Halloween pumpkin coloring pages all over the internet? Why would I have to search through disturbing pictures filled with possible felonies occurring by masked characters? These thoughts never went through my mind in the beginning. Would they have gone through yours if you were asked to print h-a-l-l-o-w-e-e-n-p-u-m-p-k-i-n-c-o-l-o-r-i-n-g-p-a-g-e-s?
I am now going to describe some of the pictures I found when searching on the site I found. Let me start by saying, I thank God their printer was broken and I was the one googling this. Let’s start with something simple – say, a pumpkin growling (or looking like it’s growling) at a very fearful puppy sitting behind it. Now, why would you make the pumpkin growl? Why not have a picture of a pumpkin and a puppy? There were pictures of pumpkins and cats – in fact, they were the only appropriate pictures we could find. I get it’s Halloween and all, but is common for pumpkins to torture puppies at this time of the year? That however, was not really that bad. Next we saw a pair of Quaker characters standing on something that appeared to be gallows surrounded by unknown Halloween characters, that were clearly children. Now this was either some kind of play, or a KKK reenactment. Again, do you want your child (or sister) coloring a KKK reenactment? I was very confused. So I clicked for the next picture. There is no confusion anymore why there are people who are scared of clowns. Their parents used this website to print coloring pages when they were children. There were MASS amounts of creepy clown pictures. With and without balloons, pumpkins, or possibly scared puppies. When did clowns become a normal Halloween costume? I have never seen anyone dressed as a clown. Cheerleader – yes. Ghost – yes. Vampire even. But, that would have been better than these clowns. The face made the clown look like it was tricking me in some way. It would be the same face a stranger would use to get me into their car.
I am now going to move to the most disturbing picture in the bunch. Although there were multiple pictures that seemed to have some kind of sexual innuendo, no one can argue with me that this picture is a ghost about to rape a red riding hood walking through the woods. For those of you that are unable to use google, I pasted in this picture for you. Don’t think I’m lying – check it for yourself and tell me you’re not creeped out. It’s all in the face. Every picture had a creepy face . The ghost itself walking inappropriately close to the girl is one thing, but what’s up with the face?
If I wouldn’t have witnessed the rape scene, I would have rated this Plain. This was not worth the finger typing to get to this. I had to look through at least 20 creepy pictures to find 1, just 1, appropriate h-a-l-l-o-w-e-e-n-p-u-m-p-k-i-n-c-o-l-o-r-i-n-g-p-a-g-e-s. However, with the inclusion of the ghost rape scene, we have moved into a whole new realm. Since I do not have any ratings below plain, I am going to rate this as

The Rating System

Assuming you read my first post, you understand what I mean when I say I love ice cream. Specifically, I love Godiva chocolate ice cream with fresh raspberries (2 scoops, with the juice) mixed well and served in a slightly undercooked, warm waffle cone. I will spend the next few moments describing this combination to you. Feel free to skip straight to my rating system, however, a word of advice. You cannot understand the system, if you don’t understand the ‘Godiva’.

There is a reason for each description portion of the Godiva. I will break it down so you understand the importance of each. Let’s start with the ice cream. Notice I was specific in not only the flavor, but the brand. Godiva is a universal standard for chocolate – you expect nothing but the best. Have you never had Godiva chocolate? I suggest you do – they sell them in packs of 4 for $5 at Barnes and Noble. Godiva chocolate is not as sweet as regular chocolate. It has a darker, richer color, and it doesn’t overwhelm the other flavors.

Possibly the most important aspect of the Godiva is the raspberries. They may have been frozen, but they are properly thawed producing a rich raspberry juice. Fresh raspberries have a tart flavor that complements the sweet chocolate. I highly recommend two scoops to get the full raspberry flavor. Adding juice is the only way to ensure the flavors mingle properly.

Which takes me to the mixing. If you were mixing paint, would you do one swirl to create a new color? No, you wouldn’t even dream of it. Because what would it create? Two separate colors next to each other. The goal of mixing on the slab is to combine the flavors, not put them beside each other. If not properly mixed, you are eating chocolate and raspberries. When mixed, you are eating a Godiva. Another point on mixing. The slab needs to be clean of all previous mixes. This is the job of the mixer and hence the importance of their selection. I have been enjoying a mixture when all the sudden there was a chunk of peanut butter in my mouth. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

Lastly, the cone. The cone, is like the setting for a diamond ring. You can have a beautiful diamond, but if it’s not displayed with a good setting, you lose the sparkle. You might be asking, why slightly undercooked? You want a bit of…give and take with the cone. I don’t want to break off the cone, I want it to melt. There are a variety of complications with a cone that is too hard. The warmth affects the mixture as well. Because the warm cone slightly melts the ice cream, your experience ends with a delicious puddle of flavor held in an edible bite-size cup. You can then, sit back and relish the experience before you return to the world you came from.

So, now to the rating system. All reviews will use the rating system below. The Godiva is obviously the golden standard. Few locations are capable of producing a treat like this. If you have found one, know that you are one of the chosen few. Similarly, few reviews will receive this rating. If they do, go out of your way to purchase it or experience it.

One level down from the Godiva, is the ‘Fresh’. Fresh is a good experience, something you would do again, or buy for someone else. And it could convince it’s the best, UNTIL, you find a Godiva. In ice cream language, Fresh would have chocolate ice cream, with fresh raspberries (1 scoop) mixed well and served in a waffle cone.

The norm rating with a standard score of 100 and a standard deviation of 10 (in IQ terms) is the ‘Mixed’. The Mixed is delicious, but nothing you’re going to devote and entire blog to. In ice cream terms, it is chocolate ice cream, with raspberries, still slightly frozen, mixed well and served in a waffle cone. While it’s good, there’s no need to pay $5 for this dessert, it’s easily forgotten.

One step down from norm is the ‘Sugar’. The problem with the Sugar is not that it doesn’t taste good, but that you spend your entire interaction with the ice cream upset you spent $5 because something doesn’t seem right about it. It’s just chocolate ice cream, with raspberries, still slightly frozen, half mixed and served in a sugar cone. People who don’t like ice cream are fine with a Sugar experience. The experiences, services or products we rate as Sugar are not appalling, they just leave something to be desired and cause you to question ‘was that worth the calories?’

Which brings us to ‘Plain’. Plain is store-bought chocolate ice cream, with canned raspberries, dumped on top and served in a plain cone. This is when you are sure it was not worth the calories. In fact you’re angry because you know you could have used those $5 to get an entire buffet AND that dessert. Now, some people might like Plain. But in my opinion, it’s just not worth the slab it was not mixed on.

I’m not saying that you need to as passionate about ice cream as I am. But, while my rating scale is based on ice cream, what I am rating is not. I simply feel the need to compare other aspects of life to my Godiva. I thank God for the Godivas that get me through this life.

The Slab

This term is used to refer to all businesses that mix creamy goodness with fresh produce on a cold marble slab. Some of you may know this as The Marble Slab, others The Cold Stone. No matter what term you use, the Slab is an experience worth every dollar spent there. And I won’t lie, it’s expensive. I’m just saying – it’s worth it. One point of caution – choose your location and flavor wisely.

I have a couple of points to help you choose your location. Number 1 – get to know your mixers. They are the difference between the perfect mix, and one with random flavors unknown to your palette. Each location will have a range of mixers. I have been known to do small mathematical calculations in my mind (analyzing family groupings and mixer speeds) to ensure I had the best mixer available. Don’t be alarmed if random mixer appears from the back of the shop. Recalculate, regroup, and stay calm.

Number 2 – know what you want and be specific. Don’t say ‘ummm…raspberries please’, inspect the raspberries – is there juice in the bottom of the containers, is there a frosty color indicating they are not properly thawed. Make sure you specify how many scoops and how much juice you want in your mixture. Don’t stop then. Indicate the amount of mixing you prefer. No, not yet. Choose your cone wisely, and don’t be afraid to specify which stack and how far down. If you chose your mixer well (i.e. Number 1 in your check list), he or she will appreciate your specifications – they aren’t mind readers, people, it’s a minimum wage job and some people are better at it than others.

Number 3 – After this somewhat stressful experience, you can truly enjoy your perfect concoction, without worrying about how much you just put on your credit card (let’s be real people, nobody uses cash anymore).

This doesn’t happen in a day. Plan. Observe. Take notes if you need to. Be prepared to drive 30 minutes to find a new location if the one nearest you is not meeting your needs. I’ve done it, and I will do it again. And don’t assume that one store is just like another. Be persistent, be diligent. Find your Slab, because I thank God for mine.